What are love languages?
Love languages are five ways in which we give and receive love. These were first introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman and include:
- Quality time
- Gifts
- Words of affirmation
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
Some of us receive love in more than one way, or we may express love differently than how we receive it. Our love languages might also evolve over time. Understanding your love language can help you better connect with your partner, children, family, and friends, and enrich your relationships.
Why do love languages matter?
Love languages are valuable because they provide a specific way to connect with your partner. Knowing your own love language helps you communicate how you best receive love. It gives your partner clear insights into what you need to feel loved and supported.
This mutual understanding sets both of you up for success by clarifying your needs, which can strengthen your relationship. Love languages help us express our needs and give our partners the tools to meet them.
What do the love languages mean?
Each love language is unique to the individual. Here’s what they look like in practice:
- Physical touch: This could be holding hands, a hug after a long day, or a gentle touch on the shoulder. Physical connection conveys care and love.
- Acts of service: This might include doing household chores, picking the kids up from school, or organizing a family gathering. In this case, actions speak louder than words.
- Quality time: This could look like a date night, a walk in the park, or a relaxing Saturday morning together. Spending time with your partner is the key to their heart.
- Words of affirmation: These might include saying “I love you,” sending a sweet text, or offering encouraging words. For those who value words, verbal expressions of love mean the world.
- Gifts: A gift could be a small trinket that reminded you of your partner, a token from a shared experience, or a more significant gesture. Gifts represent a physical expression of love.
How can love languages help?
Even if you and your partner have different love languages, you can still learn to connect on a deeper level. Approach your partner with curiosity about their love language. Ask questions like:
- What does your love language look like to you?
- What are some of your needs that relate to this love language?
- Where do you think this love language developed for you?
- Has it changed over time?
- What are ways I could express love that aligns with your love language?
- Are there things you’d prefer I didn’t do?
- Can you share an example of when you felt most loved by something I did or said?
Asking these questions shows your partner that you care, want to know them better, and that their needs matter to you.
What if our love languages differ?
Relationships can absolutely thrive even if you and your partner have different love languages. In fact, learning each other’s love language strengthens your bond. Dr. John and Julie Gottman’s research on relationships explains that we are constantly updating our “love maps,” or knowledge of our partner’s needs and preferences. The more we know about our partner’s love language, the better we can connect and enhance our relationship.
Love languages offer a powerful tool to understand and support one another, even as we grow and change over time. By staying curious and attentive to each other’s needs, you can help your relationship flourish.
You can take the Love Languages Quiz here to discover your love language.
