Perfectionism is defined as a "refusal to accept any standard short of perfection." Based on this, we have a choice in the standards we set for ourselves.

How Does Perfectionism Develop?

Perfectionism can stem from high, often unrealistic expectations we or others place on us—whether from caregivers, friends, or society. Over time, these expectations turn into nearly impossible goals. With social media highlight reels and a competitive culture, it can feel like we should constantly strive for more.

While everyone's perfectionism starts differently, it’s maintained by a mindset of always needing to do better—often leading to feelings of never being good enough.

When Is It Too Much?

Perfectionism can serve many purposes, but when it begins to harm us, it may be time to seek outside help. If perfectionism leads to physical or mental distress, it may need treatment.

Examples of Perfectionism in Self-Talk:

• "If I don’t succeed at this, I am a failure."
• "I didn’t finish what I wanted, I’m so lazy."

This negative thinking focuses on what wasn’t done rather than acknowledging what was accomplished, leading to low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.

Strategies to Aid Perfectionism

Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion means accepting yourself where you are and offering the same kindness you would to a friend. Write down your critical self-talk and rewrite it positively. Remember, this is a practice, not a one-time fix. Aim for self-acceptance, not perfection.

Beware of All-or-Nothing Thinking

All-or-nothing thinking means rarely seeing the in-between. Challenge yourself to find balance. Instead of "I failed this project," try: "I didn’t do as well as I wanted, but I can see what I did well and where to improve."

Notice Your Self-Talk

How do you talk to yourself when you reach a goal? Is it, "I can do better next time"? Or do you celebrate it? When you miss a goal, do you say, "I’m an idiot for thinking I could do this"? Notice these patterns and shift them to be kinder and more realistic.

Can Perfectionism Be Helpful?

Some perfectionists believe it’s their "secret sauce"—the key to their success. For many professionals and artists, perfectionism drives their work. Rather than letting go of it entirely, we can learn to let it inform us rather than control us.

Perfectionism can help us aim for accuracy and growth, but when it defines us or discourages us for falling short, it becomes harmful. Like any ingredient, a little goes a long way. The key is finding when to apply it and when to offer yourself grace.