Conflict is inevitable, but with the right tools, we can conquer it and even connect through it. One highly underrated tool for ensuring long-lasting relationships is humor. Studies show that humor can predict the likelihood of a couple staying together six years after marriage, while also improving overall relationship happiness. Shared laughter can lower blood pressure and heart rate, which makes it easier to have effective conversations during conflict.

However, humor only works when both partners are laughing. Sarcasm or mockery that leaves one person feeling hurt doesn't help.

How Does Humor Help?

Here are a few real-life examples from couples who used humor during conflict:

1. Raise the Hackles

One partner mimicked their dog’s behavior by raising her shoulders to imitate the dog raising its hackles when feeling scared. This physical gesture broke the tension with shared laughter. Since then, whenever conflict arises, both partners raise their shoulders to acknowledge discomfort and share a laugh.

2. Tell Me You Love Me

While reviewing the Gottman Repair Checklist, one partner joked about using a “Batman voice” to say, “tell me you love me.” The couple adopted this as an inside joke, where expressing this phrase in a deep, serious Batman voice helps lighten the mood during disagreements.

3. As You Wish

A husband’s habit of leaving dishes became a recurring conflict. The wife kindly asked him to clean up, and he began responding with, “as you wish,” a reference to their favorite movie The Princess Bride. This phrase not only reminded them of love but transformed a conflict into a ritual of affection.

4. Let Me Get My Notepad

During a listening exercise, one husband wanted to take notes to ensure he captured his wife’s perspective accurately. His wife found this gesture deeply caring, and since then, saying “let me get my notepad” has become their humorous way to show they care about each other's feelings before a serious conversation.

Laughter Really Is the Best Medicine

The old saying “laughter is the best medicine” rings true not only for our physical well-being but also for our relationships. Shared humor during conflict helps couples stay connected while diffusing tension.